dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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