Whats the glycemic index on semen?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
