then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
