if i can run in heels then i can drive
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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