Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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