his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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