Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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