i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
