We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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