Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
