apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
