If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
