Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
