it was like eating out sand paper
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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