Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
