There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
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I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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