Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize