her vagina looked like bernie madoff
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
