a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I have tasted many bathrooms
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
