all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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