WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
