I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
