It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
there's paper in my vomit.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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