We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
