don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
