ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
i now understand why vodka
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize