I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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