ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
