I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
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