my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
