She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
