i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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