Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
