My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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