my phone needs a breathalizer
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
