Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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