And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
