now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
They have beer where we have blood.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
