your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Randomize
