True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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