I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
