I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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