Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
