He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
