i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
