no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
