She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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