Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
