I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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