The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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