Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
and you fell through a lawn chair
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
