It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
