I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
