I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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