laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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