Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
