its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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