Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Randomize
