What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
