five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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