I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
