Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize