i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
