it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
