In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
