He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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