8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
