i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
