you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
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