She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
